From Sex Positive Families:
“The talk” is really a series of honest, safe conversations that begins before a child is verbal and continues throughout childhood. Like any other topic, like any other subject, building the ability to navigating boundaries and pleasure and sexuality in healthy ways requires continuous learning, questioning, and skill building.
When children are not informed early that their bodies can be a safe place for them to get to know, explore, feel pleasure within…or if young people are taught about sex only from a reproductive standpoint, without discussion of pleasure, we do not adequately prepare them with the necessary awareness, language, and interpersonal skills that best ensure their safety and satisfaction within their bodies, identities, and future sexual experiences. If youth are ill-informed and underprepared, they cannot make informed choices. They cannot truly consent to sex.
This is why it is so important that sex education talks are shame-free, include pleasure, and begin early and ongoing to truly make an impact.
Resources for Pleasure Talks at Every Stage
The biggest misconception about pleasure talks, is that it's all about sex and therefore not "appropriate" to begin discussing at early ages.
Pleasure is a birthright. It's all around and within us in everyday, through nonsexualized experiences like art, nature, music, movement, food, connections, play, and more. Helping children identify what brings them pleasure, and finding their comfort and safety within pleasure, helps them also clearly distinguish between what does not feel pleasing or safe for them. This awareness is integral to their quality of life, capacity for healing, body trust, and connection with others and the world around them.
If you're struggling to get the talks started or want to learn more, here are a few of our favorite resources to support education about pleasure, before and even when it's about sex:
Pleasure in the Early Years (podcast & transcript for parents and caring adults)
I Like It When... (book for toddlers) Also available in Spanish: Me gusta cuando...
Positive Sexuality: A Kid's Inclusive Guide to Being Body Aware (book for ages 7 and up)
Six Minute Sex Ed Podcast: Masturbation (podcast for families to listen to together)
AMAZE: Masturbation (videos for tweens and teens) Also available in Spanish
How to Talk to Our Girls About Sex and Pleasure (article for parents and caring adults)
How to Talk to Your Kids about Masturbation in a Healthy Way (article for parents and caring adults)
For more great options to support talks at every age and stage, check out the Resources section on the Sex Positive Families website to search by topic, age, and type. Available to you 24 hours a day.