It is important to start teaching children about sexuality, responsibility, and compassion at a young age, well before they need to make decisions about sexual activity.

Kids who receive accurate, complete information about sex and sexuality generally postpone sex longer and make more responsible decisions when they do become sexually active. And, kids who learn that compassion, respect, and communication are the basis of healthy friendships will apply that knowledge to all kinds of relationships as they grow older.

There are a few key messages that kids should understand about their bodies, relationships, and sex:

• Sexuality and sex are natural.

• Bodies are beautiful and amazing.

• People are responsible for their own bodies and their own decisions.

• It is important to respect others’ bodies and others’ decisions.

• Consent is easy to remember with the helpful phrase “FRIES.” Consent is:

• F reely given. A person who begs or threatens or wears someone down does not have consent.

  • “If you loved me,…”

  • “I won’t let you …”

  • “Prove that…”

  • “…or else.”

  • None of these phrases lead to freely given consent.

• R eversible. A person can change their mind at any time.

  • I thought I wanted to go for a bike ride, but I changed my mind.

• I nformed. Changing the rules in the middle of an activity requires getting new consent.

  • You said we were going to watch “Onward” together but then decided you wanted to watch “Fear the Living Dead.”

  • Well, I love zombie shows, so I changed my mind.

  • Enjoy your zombie show. It’s too scary for me, so I’m out of here.

• E nthusiastic. If a person is going along grudgingly, if they will not make eye contact, if they seem to be somewhere else, it’s time to check in, not move on.

  • You don’t seem to be enjoying your ice cream. What’s wrong?

  • Well, it’s Moose Tracks, but I’m really not a fan of ice cream with chunks in it.

  • Would you rather have another flavor?

• S pecific. Consent applies to a particular time and a particular activity.

  • You may borrow my red hoodie today. That doesn’t mean you may automatically borrow any of my clothes on any other day.

Since you are your kids’ primary sexuality educator, do your best to keep the lines of communication open—even when it’s uncomfortable. Answer questions honestly and respectfully; if you don’t know the answer it’s OK to say so, then look it up.

And remember, addressing questions about sex and sexuality without shame is critical to your kids’ sexual and emotional health. It takes practice, but you got this!